WHY PLAY DNO?

HEY YOU. YEAH YOU. SITTING THERE IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN STARING AT ME WITH WIDE FUCKING EYES WONDERING, "HEY, IS THAT GUY TALKING TO ME?" WELL ONE, FUCK YOU I'M A GIRL, AND TWO YEAH, YOU. FIRSTLY PUT THOSE CUPS BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND CLEAN YOUR DAMN ROOM IT'S QUITE DISGUSTING. SECONDLY...

NEED SOME EXCITEMENT IN YOUR LIFE? NEED A GOOD, REFRESHING COMMUNITY OF ROLEPLAYERS TO SPEND A DAY WITH AND GO THROUGH AN AMAZING, UNIQUE AND DRAMATIC STORY THAT UNFOLDS BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES AS YOU CAN LIVE OUT ANY ROLE YOU WANT? ALL IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR VERY OWN ROOM, ON THE BYOND GAMING ENGINE?

TOO FUCKING BAD! THERE IS NONE. BUT IF YOU WANT A GAME THAT'S GUARANTEED TO GIVE YOU PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNTS OF TESTOSTERONE, TWICE YOUR DAILY DOSE OF OVERUSED MEMES, CREEPY FOREIGN GUYS WHO BRAG ABOUT HOW GREAT HOT DOGS ARE AND THE AMAZING SANDWICHES THEIR MOM MAKE, AND A PAINFULLY HUGE AMOUNT OF VIRTUAL EXPLOSIONS, DEATH NOTE: ONLINE IS YOUR GAME.

I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING, "WOW, HOW CAN I JOIN THIS AMAZING GAME?!" IF YOU'RE THINKING THAT, THEN YOU'RE A DIPSHIT, BUT THAT'S OKAY. I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND A WAY TO FIT RIGHT IN OUR COMMUNITY. WE HAVE A HIGHLY TRAINED TEAM OF PEOPLE WHO'VE GONE THROUGH RIGOROUS TRAINING TO ACHIEVE THAT IQ OF 75 THEY'VE DREAMED OF FOR SO LONG. SO SIT BACK, RELAX, AND SPAM THE "STAB" VERB AS YOU ENJOY THE PLEASURE THAT IS DNO.

---

Inspired by Tropius.

Spoiler: